Darlin', I Wish You Well
by JxExR
Summary: A response to episode 2x10. My prediction for future episodes! K  b/c there is one curse-word.
1. Thanks for the Ride

"He jumps in the taxi for the sky  
>He's off to slay some demon dragonfly<br>He looks at me, that long last time  
>He turns away again and I waved goodbye<br>In an envelope, inside his coat  
>Is a chain I wore around my throat<br>Along with a note I wrote  
>Said "I love you but, I don't even know why."<p>

Darling, I wish you well on your way to the wishin' well"

-Nobody's Crying, Patty Griffin

**Disclaimer: I do not own the amazing T.V. series Rookie Blue!**

"It's just right up here. Thank you."

Andy said to the old taxi driver as they approached Sam's place. Once in front of the house, Andy was able to see that Sam wasn't home. His truck was gone and the lights were all off. Still, she decided to get out of the cab. She was too embarrassed to admit to the old man that no one was home, too embarrassed to turn around. Besides, she knew that she probably didn't have enough money to pay for the long trip to Tracie's. She handed him the fair and stepped out onto the empty street. Standing on the sidewalk, she watched as the cab's taillights disappeared around the corner.

_What am I doing here? _Andy thought to herself. _He must have gotten my message by now. He hasn't called back. God, that was stupid. He thinks I'm stupid. He probably doesn't know what to say. He's probably embarrassed for me_.

Not knowing what to do, Andy slowly started for Sam's stoop. She sat there on his steps feeling the most embarrassed that she had ever felt in her life.

"_It was what it was." Nothing more. God, why hasn't he called? What the hell would he say if he did? There's nothing to say except that I am a complete and total idiot!_

Andy took the cellphone from her back pocket and flipped it open. She flipped it shut. She cupped her face in her hands and hung her head. She must have been sitting like that for several minutes when her phone began to ring. Quickly, she looked at the caller I.D. She was both saddened and relieved when she learned that it was Tracie and not Sam who was calling.

"Hey, Tracie" Andy unenthusiastic ally mumbled into the phone.  
>"Uh, Andy? You okay?" asked Tracie. Her voice was filled with question and concern.<br>Andy was uncharacteristically quiet.  
>"Where are you?" Tracie asked after a moment of silence.<br>" Noelle said you had to feed a cat? What's going on?"  
>"Yeah, I don't know. I don't know…Tracie. I'm an idiot."<br>"Ookkaayy? Andy, what's up?"  
>"I basically…I just told him that I was basically in love with him. I feel so stupid. I'm such an idiot. He thinks that I'm an idiot. I don't know. I called. I freaked out. It was a mis…"<br>"Wait, what? Who are you talking about? Luke?"  
>"Sam, Tracie. I am talking about Sam. I was just messed up, you know? I mean that girl died and Sam is going undercover and I mean, why shouldn't he? He doesn't have a reason not to go. He doesn't have anything to think about. He…" Andy began to sob.<br>"Wait, Sam? Swarek? Sam said that you're an idiot?"  
>"No…no…he didn't need to. I called him, but he didn't answer. I left a message. God, Tracie. I'm at his house. That's where I am. I'm sitting on his stoop. He isn't here. He hasn't called me back because he is embarrassed for me."<br>"Wait…you told Sam that you loved him? Andy?"  
>"Yeah…I did, but you know…It was really stupid. Huh?"<br>"Where is he?"  
>"I don't know. Probably avoiding me. Listen, Trace…can you come pick me up? I just really need to get out of here. If he comes home now…I just don't…I can't face him."<br>"Yeah, Andy…uh…my mom has the car right now. I mean…she should be back real soon. I can come get you then…okay? Wait, I'll call Jerry and see if he can. I bet he can stop by to get you like right now, okay?"  
>"Tracie…no…please, do not call Jerry. You can't tell Jerry. I'll just call a cab. I'll see you in a bit, okay?"<br>"Yeah, sure…okay. I'll see you in a bit."

With that, Andy stood up from the steps. She reached up to her face to tuck the stray hair behind her ears. With a long sigh, she started down the steps and began her long walk home. She didn't have enough money on her for another cab. She wouldn't dare call Chris or Dov knowing that calling either of them would ultimately lead to Gail finding out about her embarrassing love confession.

_Why does Gail always have to be such a jerk? Why do I always have to be such an idiot? _She thought to herself.

After about a half hour of walking, Andy finally gave in. She was so exhausted. Mentally. Physically. She just wanted to go home. Only, she didn't really have one to go to. She reached into her back pocket again and pulled out her phone. She didn't need to look up the number even though it had been awhile since she had dialed it. Guilt filled the pit of her stomach when she heard his familiar voice on the other end.

"Andy?"  
>"Yeah…Hi. Sorry for calling you so late…it's just…you can say 'no.' I would understand…"<br>"Andy? What's wrong? Are you okay?"  
>"Yes…I'm fine. I'm just…I was wondering if you could come pick me up. Take me to Tracie's. I'll pay you back gas money when we get there. I just…I need a ride and I don't have the money for a cab on me right now. If y…"<br>"Andy. Stop. I'm on my way. Where are you?"  
>"I'm on the corner of Oak Ave. and Waller. Thanks, again…"<br>"Oak and Waller? Okay? Hang tight…I'll be there in a few."


	2. I Love You, But I Don't

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue!

Standing still, Andy finally began to notice the night's cold air. She shifted her weight from her left foot to her right and rubbed her hands together to keep warm. It had been almost two hours since she'd made that phone call to Sam…since she'd left him that message.

Down the street came a pair of headlights that slowed as they grew closer to her. Surprisingly, it had only taken him a few minutes to drive from wherever he had been to where she was now standing.

"Andy? Quick, get in. It's freezing out there." Luke gently called through the window he had wound down.  
>"Hey…thanks" Andy replied as she slid into his passenger's seat. <p>

Andy stiffened as Luke began to rub his hands up and down her shoulders and arms in an apparent effort to de-thaw her.

"Thanks, Luke…thanks." Andy said as she shrunk away from his unwelcomed touch.  
>"Andy…what the heck are you doing out here alone?"<br>"Yeah…just…well, I was doing a favor for a friend. Feeding a cat. Then…I don't know. I didn't have a ride home."  
>"A friend? A cat? Andy, are you talking about Swarek? Humph…He's never struck me as a cat kind of guy."<br>"Why would you think that I'm talking about Sam?" Andy asked defensively.  
>"Because…he lives on this end of town? I don't know. I thought that he was your <em>friend<em>."  
>"Not anymore."<br>"Oh yeah, why's that?"

Andy stayed quiet and shrugged her shoulders.

"Andy…he's no good for you. He's only…"  
>"No, Luke. You know what…I'd rather walk. Pull over. "<br>"Andy…I didn't mean t…"  
>"You don't get a say in what's good for me. I don't want to hear it. I don't have to."<br>"I know…I know that you don't. But, just hear me out. Please. I know that you don't believe me. I can't blame you for that. But, I do love you. I mean…I really love you. And…here's the thing, Andy. I'm not asking you to take me back. I wouldn't want you to take me back. What I did was…it makes me sick. You're too good for that…you're too good for me. I want you to be happy. I want you to be treated like you deserve to be treated. And Andy, I know that I'm probably not the one to do that for you. But…what I'm trying to say is this…neither is Sam Swarek." 

Luke glanced over at Andy to gage her response, but she was turned from him looking out the window. Tears were running down her face, but she refused to reach up to wipe them away because she didn't want Luke to know that she was crying.

"I know that you think you know him, Andy. You guys spend a lot of time together. But, remember…I've known him longer. He's a good cop, Andy. I understand why you'd look up to him. But, Swarek…he comes and goes. He disappears, Andy. He likes to. It's what he does. You deserve someone who'll be there for you."  
>"He's there when it counts" Andy spat as she remembered Sam saying those exact words to her only a few months earlier.<br>"Where is he tonight? You were so close to his house. Why wasn't he the one to come pick you up? Did you try to call him?" Luke responded momentarily losing his cool.

"Luke…I am sorry that I couldn't be enough for you. I wanted to be. I tried. You know…I think…when it comes down to it…it wasn't even that. Uhh…we keep lying to ourselves and to each other. And…it's just hard because life…it's just never what you think it might be, Luke. And, you know…you did what you did. You say it was a mistake…but…you know that you did it because you wanted to. And you keep saying that you love me, but you don't. You've never loved me even though maybe you thought that you should. And, you know…that's okay. Because…I've never loved you either. You're handsome and charming and smart and it seemed like something that I could do…love you. But I never did."

"I love him, Luke. I love him and I don't care if he ever loves me back. I don't care if he leaves. I don't care about any of that. I don't care if it hurts you to hear it. And the worst part of it all is that I don't know why I feel that way. I don't know why I love him and not you. Earlier…I called him. I went to his house. That's where I was when I called you to pick me up. I left him a message and I told him that I loved him. He never called me back. I've been standing outside all night in the cold waiting for him. He never called. You're right…you were the one to come pick me up…not Sam. But…if he called me…if my phone rang right now and it was him…and if he wanted to see me…I would get out of your car and run all the way back to him. I am sorry that I don't love you, but I do care about you enough to tell you the truth and that is it. I am in love with Sam Swarek. I have always loved him. I always will. There is nothing that you can do…there is nothing that he can do…to change it."


	3. Yeah, I'll Stay

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue!**

Andy turned to face Luke. She had said it all now. She was out with it. But, to her surprise, she didn't _feel _any better. There was no sensation of calm relief rushing through her veins. No weight had been lifted. In fact, her over dramatic outburst had taken quite a different turn. Because, at the exact moment she turned to glare at her ex…the moment she was going to drive home her point…really let him have it, Andy noticed something. Luke had started to cry. Luke never cried. He was always so sure of himself…always in control. The strangeness of what Andy was witnessing distracted her. Her face softened and her eyes betrayed her utter confusion. Her remorse.

_What am I doing? Who am I? "I don't care if it hurts you to hear it?" Why would I say that? I meant it…no…no I didn't. God. You're on a roll tonight, McNally. I should just keep going…ostracize myself from anyone who has ever been a friend to me. Call them all up…sound like an idiot…a jerk. No one will ever speak to me again and that would be better…at least then I couldn't hurt them…_

As Andy was sorting through her thoughts…as she was attempting to find the right words to tell Luke that she was sorry…that she was an awful mess of a person, she was disturbed by the sound of Luke clearing his throat.

"Andy, you said that life is never what you think it might be…but…life is what you make of it. So, if you're confused about yours…maybe you ought to stop and think about what you want from it."

Luke paused for a moment and glanced over at Andy. He thought that she had a strange look on her face. It seemed to look almost scared or confused…or disgusted.

"Andy…" Luke said, his voice quiet and gentle. "You meant what you said, I know it. I've known it. And I agree…for the most part it was the truth. You are wrong, though…about me. I did what I did with Jo because I was afraid…I was scared that I was missing out. You know…for the longest time…before I met you…Jo is what I wanted. She is who I imagined a future with…and that imaginary future seemed great. But that's just it…I imagined the whole thing. It wasn't real. It couldn't have been. Real love, Andy, is about forgiveness. It has to be…because like real life, real love isn't perfect. People make mistakes. I made a _mistake_. You may never forgive me…and I'm okay with that. But, never _ever_ think that just because I made a mistake that that mistake meant that I didn't love you. It just meant that I'm human."

Andy had her eyes lowered. She was looking at her shoelaces. She didn't want to hear Luke. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe she was too tired to care and maybe that meant that she was some kind of cold-hearted monster.

"Hey…Andy…" Luke hesitated.

When she didn't respond, he continued.

"About Sam…look, I don't know why he hasn't called you back. But…I know that he will. He'd be crazy not to. A girl like you, Andy…that's a once in a lifetime. That's an honor. Sam's a lot of things, but he isn't stupid. He'll call. Just be careful, you know? You build someone up too high…they'll only let you down. Like me with Jo. Just keep things in perspective. Andy…if he doesn't call…if you really love him…just…you know, never give up on someone you love. It's worth the struggle."

"Luke…" Andy managed to choke out between her sobs.  
>"I'm sorry for those things I said to you…I've just…today hasn't been easy…I know…there's no…e..x..cuse…it was…. nice of you to drive….all the way out here to get me…and…I…I'm just really tired…and I can't sleep. And…there's always Tracie…and her mom…Leo…they're so nice to let me…stay…but it's just really har…"<p>

"Andy" Luke interrupted. "Stay at our place…my place, I mean. I can take you there. I'll just drop you off. I won't stay. You can have your privacy and everything. I've got so much work to do….the Strauss case…and…you know, I'll probably just end up sleeping in my office. Why don't you go to my place, then? You can have it all to yourself."

"Luke…no, you've already done enough. I've already been a total ass to you. I won't keep you out of your own house."

"Andy, you know that it's not like that…I won't be there anyway. Besides…all of this…it's the least that I can do for you. Even if you don't think so…helping you like this makes me feel better. Will you stay?"

Andy let out a long sigh. It was a tempting offer. She hadn't slept in an actual bed for a long time. Besides, it was what Luke wanted and after all she had said to him tonight she could at least humor him with this.

"Yeah…you know, Luke? That sounds really great. It sounds better than great. Let's go."


End file.
